worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
