The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
