smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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