Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
