I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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