I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
