You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
