R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
