I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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