so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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