He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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