I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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