I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
