Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
