when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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