i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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