people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
