I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
