I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
