so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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