I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
