You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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