Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
