Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
