def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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