my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
