God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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