I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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