i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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