I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
