a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize