I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
my liver is dry heaving
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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