my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
