This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
