I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
