The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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