Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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