Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
