new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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