You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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