Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i drank out of a bidet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
