She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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