I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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