she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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