I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
