saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
