i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
