mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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