what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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