I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
