im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize