I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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