I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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