It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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