I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
