I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
