I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
