Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
