Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
