the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize