you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
