"it" just moved
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize