in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
