Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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